To our great brother…

I wonder how you felt when your own Father was handing you over, as an innocent lamb. How were you able to align your heart with His? Your will with His? How did you manage to walk in the dark towards the unknown?

I wonder how it felt when you were surrounded by multitudes of people or even a closer circle of twelve, yet you were so alone, unable to share with any of them the burden that weighed down your shoulders.

I wonder how it felt when you longed to embrace the fullness of your humanness, enjoy it and celebrate it, but another power from a foreign land kept claiming you.

How was it on that day, the day which You created, when you did not want to wake up and face it? Did you shake with fear, did you resist stepping your foot on the ground to take the first step of the day, knowing that every step you took would bring you closer and closer to death?

How were you able to let no bitter thought or doubt come between you and the Father as He called you to your suffering? How did your love for Him conquer over doubt and fear? How was it when no one else stayed awake as you fought with hell? What crossed your mind when heaven was silent? I wonder…

I wonder how you read the Scriptures. How they prepared you for your suffering. How did you listen to the cries of the psalmist, the lamenter and the prophet? How open was your heart to become them? What sort of story did you choose to enter, in what sort of plot did you place all those beatings as if they had to happen? Show me…

Help me read myself in… as if all of Scripture speaks of me… my exile, my desert. Let me find my biography there too, my great brother. The plot that has to happen…